Chapter 6

Su Xingchuan spent two days resting at home.

The incision still hadn't stopped hurting when his boss Yan Tao hauled him out anyway and dragged him to Zhongjin Group to meet Xu Zhengdong.

Xu Zhengdong was exactly as arrogant as ever — aloof, condescending, and completely evasive about the actual partnership. He kept circling around irrelevant things while Yan Tao worked him for a long time, then capped it off by inviting him to dinner at a Western restaurant near Zhongjin Tower.

Xu Zhengdong glanced over at Su Xingchuan and suddenly asked, 'Why so quiet, Xiao Su?'

Su Xingchuan smiled. 'Just thinking over what you said.'

Xu Zhengdong looked him up and down.

He left without committing to anything.

Yan Tao was not happy with Su Xingchuan's performance. Walking out of the restaurant that night, he said, 'You couldn't have picked a worse time for that surgery. This Zhongjin project is at a critical point right now, you dropped the ball, and now Xu Zhengdong's gone and changed his tune again. Everything we put in before — gone.'

How was Xu Zhengdong changing his tune any of his fault?

Su Xingchuan was furious, but he kept his smile in place. 'That's on me — I should've briefed the team better. But Director Xu, there's still a real shot here. It just needs a little more time to work out.'

Yan Tao let out a cold laugh. 'Word I'm hearing is there's a major reshuffle in Zhongjin's board next month. We've got zero traction with Xu Zhengdong right now. So tell me — how much time do you think you have?'

Su Xingchuan's brow tightened.

Boses. Always first in line to offload the blame.

Su Xingchuan had worked himself sick for this project. In Yan Tao's version of events, it became 'letting the surgery get in the way of work.' Bleak didn't begin to cover it.

Su Xingchuan didn't make any promises. Just said he'd do what he could.

Yan Tao clocked his expression, didn't bother pushing further, and got in his car and left.

Su Xingchuan hadn't driven — he'd been drinking, his body felt hot and restless, and his head was too full. The evening breeze came through the trees and hit him, cool and clean, so he skipped the cab and just started walking home. Somewhere along the way he ended up at Zhongjin Tower.

Zhongjin — one of the city's biggest real estate companies.

Xu Zhengdong ran Zhongjin.

Su Xingchuan couldn't stand the man. He was only thirty-seven, thirty-eight at most, yet he insisted on playing the elder statesman whenever Su Xingchuan was around — always looking him over with that top-down stare.

Su Xingchuan tilted his head back. The tower punched straight up into the dark.

Pointless.

He let his gaze drift to the night sky — sparse, quiet, only a handful of dim stars. When he looked back down, he saw something he hadn't expected: a Rolls-Royce Cullinan parked not far away.

Xu Zhengdong's car. He recognized it.

Xu Zhengdong stepped out and stood alone beside the car. Something caught his eye — Su Xingchuan couldn't tell what — and a smile broke across his face, genuinely soft, almost tender. Then he raised a hand and waved someone over.

Su Xingchuan followed his gaze. And saw Li Xuan.

He thought he was seeing things. He looked again, harder.

It was really Li Xuan.

Li Xuan had on a long black puffer, a backpack slung over both shoulders, and he was walking over at his own unhurried pace. Xu Zhengdong immediately reached out and lifted the bag off his shoulders, then bent slightly toward him, talking low, still smiling.

Nothing like how he'd treated Su Xingchuan all day.

Li Xuan's expression stayed flat. He gave a small nod, then got in the car. Xu Zhengdong went around to the other side and got in after him.

The door closed.

Su Xingchuan heard a roar go through his ears. Everything around him stopped.

*

Li Xuan pulled out his phone the moment he sat down.

Su Xingchuan hadn't texted him once all day.

The conversation had stopped there yesterday — Su Xingchuan asking if he could sleep on his side, Li Xuan saying yes.

He stared at his own last reply and quietly kicked himself. He shouldn't have been so cold.

He should've followed up with 'how do you usually sleep?' — that would've kept the conversation going.

Xu Zhengdong dropped Li Xuan's bag on the back seat and caught something in his peripheral vision — that deflated look on Li Xuan's face. 'Xiaoxuan, are you seeing someone? You've been totally out of it these past few days.'

Li Xuan shook his head.

'Tell your shushu. I'll help you figure it out.'

'No.' Li Xuan didn't look up from his phone.

Rude as that was, Xu Zhengdong didn't take offense.

Li Xuan had never been healthy as a kid — premature at birth, a full month in the NICU after, fragile as a pretty piece of porcelain the whole family was terrified of breaking. Everyone had always handled him with care.

The reason Xu Zhengdong was so devoted to him went beyond just being his uncle. Li Xuan's early birth was, in a roundabout way, Xu Zhengdong's fault. He'd been wild as a teenager, all edge and no sense, and when Li Xuan's mother was seven months along, Xu Zhengdong got into a street brawl outside his school and put someone in the hospital. When the news reached her, she was seized with abdominal pain in the middle of the night. An ambulance rushed her to the hospital, and Li Xuan arrived ahead of schedule.

Xu Zhengdong had carried that guilt ever since.

No matter how untouchable he acted in front of everyone else, with Li Xuan he was soft — practically apologetic.

There was something else, too: Xu Zhengdong liked men. Around fifteen or sixteen, Li Xuan had started showing signs of the same.

Li Xuan's mother laid the blame squarely on Xu Zhengdong — convinced he'd rubbed off on the boy. Xu Zhengdong had no idea whether his nephew's orientation had anything to do with him. Either way, all he could do was be there for Li Xuan and try to shield him from whatever damage the world might do.

Then, seven years ago, Li Xuan came home in tears, locked himself in his room for two or three days, and the whole family spiraled with worry. It took a long time before anyone found out — the kid had gotten his heart broken.

Xu Zhengdong said: I'll go with you to find him.

Li Xuan shook his head, still crying, and wouldn't say another word about it.

And that was that.

Over time Li Xuan grew up. He finished his master's, came back, went straight into the hospital — none of that spoiled, prickly energy anymore.

His parents finally breathed easy.

But Xu Zhengdong wasn't so sure it was that simple.

He studied Li Xuan's expression — that quiet, hollow look — and knew exactly what he was seeing. He sighed. 'You're still thinking about that first love, aren't you. It's been years, Xiao Xuan. Let me tell you something — first loves aren't actually that beautiful. Time just puts a filter on them, makes you keep going back. Someone you weren't meant to end up with? Let it go.'

Weren't meant to end up with. Four words. Maybe the cruelest in the language.

Li Xuan sank a little lower.

The car had eased out through the gates of Zhongjin Tower. Li Xuan was staring out the window when something snagged his eye — a silhouette, familiar in a way that made his brain stutter.

Li Xuan went rigid and sat straight up.

Xu Zhengdong was still talking. 'I met someone recently, actually — around your age, works in investment banking, really decent personality —'

Li Xuan cut him off. 'Stop the car.'

'What?'

Li Xuan smacked the back of the front seat. 'Stop the car!'

The driver had barely slowed down when Li Xuan shoved the door open and bolted, throwing back a single line as he went: 'You head home, jiujiu, something came up at the hospital.'

Xu Zhengdong called after him: 'Xiao Xuan, let me drop you off!'

Li Xuan was already gone.

Xu Zhengdong muttered to himself, 'What kind of emergency has you running like that?'

*

Su Xingchuan was still standing there, frozen.

Something inside him collapsed.

He should be glad. Glad someone was still looking after Li Xuan.

Watching Xu Zhengdong fawn like that, he saw himself — seven years ago, younger, just as gone for him. Li Xuan had always had that effect on people.

Li Xuan had someone to take care of him. A stable job. A good life.

And Su Xingchuan had his own career, his own life.

Everyone was moving on.

He should use this moment. Let Li Xuan go.

He should let go...

But the pain in his chest was unbearable — a suffocating ache that spread like a current through his whole body, and he couldn't hold himself together. He stepped back and dropped onto one of the concrete parking bollards.

The next second, Li Xuan was standing in front of him.

Li Xuan's sharp jaw was tucked into the collar of his black coat. He looked down at Su Xingchuan, and with the streetlight burning behind him, the glow scattered — Su Xingchuan couldn't read his eyes.

Su Xingchuan stared up at those clear, striking eyes — black and white and beautiful — and their gazes held, neither one willing to look away first.

Then a horn blared from somewhere in the traffic, and it cracked open Su Xingchuan's frozen mind and dragged him back.

He turned toward the intersection. Xu Zhengdong's Rolls-Royce Cullinan was already gone.

Su Xingchuan's breath went heavy.

This time Li Xuan spoke first. 'Did you drink?'

Even when he frowned, he was beautiful.

'Work thing,' Su Xingchuan said, a little too quickly. 'Just a bit.'

Li Xuan's anger flared. 'You're drinking? Not even three days post-surgery? Su Xingchuan, do you think you're still twenty and invincible?'

The scolding was soaked through with worry.

Su Xingchuan asked, lazily: 'And what exactly is your basis for worrying about me right now? Doctor, or ex-boyfriend?'

Li Xuan had no answer for that.

'If it's doctor — thanks, Dr. Li, I'll be careful. I'll come in on time to get the stent removed.' Su Xingchuan's expression went flat, his voice easy, unbothered. 'If it's ex-boyfriend — don't bother. We broke up seven years ago.'

Seven years. The actual time they'd been together — really together — was barely four months. Summer to winter, that was all.

Hearing that, something sank in Li Xuan's chest. He took a step back.

Su Xingchuan moved to stand. He really didn't want to sit here facing Li Xuan — and he really didn't want to keep replaying Xu Zhengdong's expression, the way he'd moved.

Xu Zhengdong was older, sure, but he was still handsome and easy in his skin, the kind of man who filled a room — and he ran a major company. Next to someone like that, where did Su Xingchuan even register?

That Mercedes-Benz GLC he'd babied like it was made of glass — four hundred thousand yuan, half a year of agonizing before he'd let himself buy it — wouldn't even cover the loose change on Xu Zhengdong's Rolls-Royce Cullinan.

And the cruelest part: the CEO who'd been making his life hell for two months was his ex-boyfriend's current boyfriend.

Reality was brutal.

No matter how you cut it, he came up short. Su Xingchuan couldn't help the low feeling settling in.

He hadn't rested properly since the surgery — pain had kept him up night after night — and on top of that he'd had a few drinks tonight. When he pushed himself to stand, the blood drained from his head too fast. He hadn't even found his footing before he was lurching backward.

Li Xuan caught him immediately, hands closing around his arm, steadying him.

The distance collapsed all at once. Close enough that Su Xingchuan only had to tip forward slightly to press his lips to Li Xuan's forehead.

God, he wanted to. He'd wanted to in his dreams.

Once Su Xingchuan had his footing, Li Xuan still didn't let go.

'Where do you live? I——' Li Xuan reconsidered. 'Your boyfriend's number — give it to me. He can come get you.'

'My boyfriend doesn't live with me,' Su Xingchuan said, leaning into the excuse the alcohol gave him. 'Dr. Li, can you take me home?'

'Sure,' Li Xuan said.

Su Xingchuan hadn't expected him to say yes.

He blinked, thrown for a second.

Two minutes ago Li Xuan had just gotten into Xu Zhengdong's car.

He didn't have the bandwidth to think about what Li Xuan and Xu Zhengdong were or weren't — Li Xuan had already flagged down a cab at the curb, bundled him into it, and climbed in beside him.

'Where to?' Li Xuan asked.

'Xinchen Residence. East gate.'

Li Xuan relayed it to the driver, and the car eased into motion.

Twenty minutes, shoulder to shoulder, neither of them saying a word. A hand's width of space between them. When the cab turned, their shoulders brushed.

Su Xingchuan kept his eyes on the window and tracked Li Xuan in his periphery.

A late-night cab. It brought back the first time they'd gotten a hotel room together, years ago.

Back then Li Xuan had been hell-bent on turning Su Xingchuan's head — flirting nonstop, running every play he had, performing like a man who'd done this a hundred times. Then the moment it was actually happening, he folded. That day, Su Xingchuan had booked a hotel downtown, and the whole cab ride from campus Li Xuan sat there with his lips pressed tight, not saying a word.

Su Xingchuan quietly took his hand, worked his fingers into Li Xuan's clenched fist, and scratched lightly at his palm.

Something in Li Xuan seemed to give way all at once. He closed his hand around Su Xingchuan's — then tipped sideways and dropped against his chest.

Never mind the driver up front. He just stayed there, warm and boneless against Su Xingchuan's side, chin tilted up, watching him with those hopeful eyes, and started inching one leg up over Su Xingchuan's — trying to drape himself across his lap — until Su Xingchuan caught it and pushed it back down. 'Sit properly,' he said, low.

Li Xuan pouted. Su Xingchuan sighed and bent down to kiss him.

Not two minutes later, Li Xuan started fidgeting again — rubbing his calf against Su Xingchuan's leg. Su Xingchuan's hand tightened. Li Xuan's mouth curved, satisfied, and he settled back against Su Xingchuan's chest.

Su Xingchuan had absolutely no defense against him. Li Xuan was born knowing how to be soft and clingy — no performance in it, no calculation, just genuinely, effortlessly cute. Su Xingchuan never stood a chance.

Back then, they were tangled up together every single day.

And now?

Two people, still as stone. A gulf between them wide enough to drown in.

The driver was heavy on the brakes, lurching to a stop every few minutes. Su Xingchuan's hand shot up on instinct, bracing across Li Xuan's chest. Li Xuan stared at it, just starting to say something — then Su Xingchuan caught himself and pulled his arm back. He didn't reach out again.

They were at the gate before long.

Su Xingchuan walked Li Xuan in without asking whether he wanted to come up. He didn't want to ask. He was afraid of the answer.

So he just kept moving, his steps a little unsteady.

The complex was nicely landscaped, string lights wound through the trees — snowflake-shaped, the kind that shifted color. Li Xuan caught sight of them and stopped, tilting his head back to look.

Su Xingchuan caught it in his periphery — Li Xuan going still — and his heart lurched. He thought Li Xuan was about to turn back.

He turned around slowly. Li Xuan was just standing there, lost in the lights, watching the colors shift. The same profile as all those years ago.

The spike of panic dissolved into the cold air. Su Xingchuan felt the blood start moving through him again.

Li Xuan hadn't left.

Su Xingchuan stopped pretending, even to himself.

No grand reason. No justification. He just wanted to bring Li Xuan home.