Chapter 28

Li Xuan can drive. He just refuses to drive himself to work.

He loves having Su Xingchuan drop him off every morning — the reluctant kiss at the hospital entrance, and then when he gets out of the car and glances back, Su Xingchuan is still there, smiling at him from a distance.

He walks into the hospital with his bag.

The security guard hadn't dared to greet him before, but Li Xuan curved the corner of his mouth first and gave a small nod. The guard blinked, then hurried to say, 'Good morning, Dr. Li.'

'Good morning,' Li Xuan said.

Watching Li Xuan disappear through the entrance, the guard muttered under his breath, 'What's gotten into him today? Dr. Li actually smiled.'

An andrology clinic runs a lot quieter than a general hospital. Li Xuan strolled into his office at an easy pace, changed into his white coat, and woke up his computer.

The queue machine started up, and the robotic call-in announcements came one after another. A knock at his door, and a string of men with worried faces filed in.

At first they'd take one look at how young he was, how he carried himself, and quietly doubt him. But after a few exchanges, most of them came around — this cool, expressionless young doctor actually knew what he was doing.

He wrote out their orders and watched them go. While waiting for the next patient, he checked his watch.

Ten a.m.

Su Xingchuan should be showing up soon.

Su Xingchuan had held out for half a month. Last night they'd nearly crossed the line — Li Xuan had wanted to, honestly, but professional conscience won out, and he'd stopped things before they went further. Su Xingchuan had deflated and collapsed against him, sulking, mouthing at the side of his neck over and over.

Li Xuan tugged his turtleneck collar up a little higher.

Covering the marks.

*

The row of patients on the waiting bench was thinning out.

Su Xingchuan checked the time and got up to grab a number.

He was the doctor's partner, but he played by the rules anyway — booked an appointment in advance, then sat in the waiting area doing his best impression of a regular patient, watching people go in and come back out. He'd timed it deliberately, holding off until the last slot, waiting until Li Xuan was nearly off the clock before he knocked and walked in.

Maybe it was the time they'd spent together, or just that sixth sense you develop with someone.

Su Xingchuan had barely stepped through the door — hadn't even said a word — when Li Xuan caught something familiar in the air, shifted in his seat, and looked up.

Su Xingchuan raised an eyebrow at him.

Li Xuan kept his face perfectly blank and ignored him.

At home, Dr. Li was all soft edges and wheedling — basically a kid. At work, he was someone else entirely. White coat pressed and clean, the loose strands at his forehead neatly set, composure locked in when he wasn't speaking, radiating a distinct 'don't approach' energy. For the first time, it landed on Su Xingchuan with real clarity: Li Xuan wasn't twenty anymore.

This was Dr. Li. Twenty-seven years old.

Su Xingchuan's throat moved before he could stop it. A very bad idea took shape. He wanted Li Xuan to buy a white coat to keep at home.

'Dr. Li.'

He called out, perfectly straight-faced. Li Xuan didn't acknowledge him.

'I'm number twenty-four,' Su Xingchuan said, sliding the appointment slip across the desk, leaning into the bit. 'I'm here for a follow-up.'

Li Xuan held out his hand. Su Xingchuan reached for it — and got a sharp little slap on the back of his hand for his trouble.

'The CT report,' Dr. Li said, one word at a time.

'...' Su Xingchuan handed over his test results.

He'd come in yesterday for a full workup. The moment he had the results this morning he'd rushed straight over. His thinking: he couldn't wait any longer. Tonight. Tonight he'd do a candlelit dinner — soft flames, wine in the air — and then ease into it naturally.

Li Xuan took the report and looked it over without a word.

The smile dropped off Su Xingchuan's face. 'What — what's wrong?'

Li Xuan's expression was grave.

'Don't scare me, babe!' Su Xingchuan leaned in close to read over his shoulder. 'The conclusion looks fine to me.'

A few seconds passed. Li Xuan made a small sound. 'Mm.'

'Nothing's wrong.'

'…'

Su Xingchuan let out a breath like he'd just survived something.

He pinched Li Xuan's cheek. 'You're terrible. You scared me half to death — Dr. Li is taking full responsibility for that.'

Li Xuan just looked at him, tilted his head a little, and that was it — Su Xingchuan's irritation evaporated. He leaned in and kissed him.

Right then the young nurse came in. 'Dr. Li, the cafeteria at lunch —'

She stopped mid-sentence.

Su Xingchuan pulled back from Li Xuan and gave her a smile.

Li Xuan didn't bother pretending anything had been normal. 'What about the cafeteria?'

The nurse stammered. 'Th-the cafeteria has beef hot pot today — f-first come, first served.'

'Got it, thanks,' Li Xuan said.

Su Xingchuan stood up and told the nurse, 'I'm Dr. Li's boyfriend.' He turned to Li Xuan. 'What's her name?'

'Zou Ying,' Li Xuan said.

'Nice to meet you, Zou Ying.'

The nurse broke into a grin, clearly not sure what to do with any of this, and laughed a little awkwardly. 'Nice to meet you — you two are such a good match.'

Su Xingchuan's brow lifted slightly. He was very obviously pleased with that assessment.

The nurse pulled the door shut behind her.

Su Xingchuan crossed the room, turned the lock, then wrapped his arms around Li Xuan, who was already shrugging off his white coat. 'What's this hot pot situation — is it any good? Am I allowed in the cafeteria as the doctor's plus-one?'

'You are,' Li Xuan said.

Su Xingchuan stopped Li Xuan's hands and replaced them with his own, slowly working the buttons open.

Just the buttons — there was still a shirt underneath the white coat.

But Su Xingchuan was taking his time on purpose.

The air between them shifted.

Li Xuan turned his head away and said quietly, 'I'm hungry.'

'So am I,' Su Xingchuan said.

'...'

They were obviously not talking about the same thing.

The last button came undone. Su Xingchuan dipped his head and caught Li Xuan's lips, and Li Xuan had to tip his face up and grab onto Su Xingchuan's shoulders just to stay upright.

Su Xingchuan brushed his lips along the corner of Li Xuan's mouth. 'Never got it before, but I finally understand — the whole uniform thing.'

For some reason Li Xuan felt a sudden flutter of nerves.

'Su Xingchuan.'

'Mm?'

'I'm just saying — don't go too crazy.'

Su Xingchuan laughed softly. 'I'll keep it together. Dr. Li is not becoming a patient today.'

Li Xuan bit him on the shoulder.

Li Xuan dragged Su Xingchuan to the cafeteria. Two absurdly good-looking men walking side by side drew plenty of stares, and Su Xingchuan asked, 'Not worried someone'll see us and start talking?'

'Nope,' Li Xuan said.

He walked beside Su Xingchuan like it was the most natural thing in the world — spine straight, completely unbothered by the curious looks following them.

Something shifted in Su Xingchuan's chest.

Li Xuan swiped his own card for two steaming beef clay pots and they sat down across from each other. With coworkers around, Li Xuan kept it together — sat up straight, didn't swing his legs — but somewhere between bites his chopsticks crept over into Su Xingchuan's bowl and swiped all the beef offal he knew Su Xingchuan liked.

Watching Li Xuan eat, Su Xingchuan always felt this quiet kind of happiness.

He said, out of nowhere, 'After New Year's, let's go abroad and make it official. What do you think?'

Li Xuan went still for a moment.

'Like you said. Rings and everything. Find a chapel.'

Li Xuan dropped his gaze to the bubbling clay pot and didn't say anything for a long moment. Su Xingchuan leaned in. 'Let me see — is that a little cat over there who's so touched he's about to cry?'

Li Xuan glared at him. 'I am not.'

Su Xingchuan just kept smiling. 'Then it's settled. I'll take care of the arrangements.'

Li Xuan shook his head.

Su Xingchuan was about to ask why, but Li Xuan said, 'We'll plan it together.'

Su Xingchuan's smile came slow.

'Yeah. Okay.'

But life had other ideas. Li Xuan got off early that day; Su Xingchuan hit an unexpected crisis at the office and had to stay late. He texted Li Xuan to go on ahead.

Li Xuan replied fine, then ignored every word of it. He grabbed a shared bike and rode straight to the building where Su Xingchuan worked.

It was his first time ever coming here.

He didn't have Su Xingchuan's easy way with new places, so he just waited downstairs.

Su Xingchuan stepped out of the elevator and spotted Li Xuan right away — perched on the front steps of the lobby, half a step up from the pavement, head down, muttering something under his breath.

Su Xingchuan came up quietly and stood behind him to listen.

'Iceland, Sicily, Bali… a church…'

So he'd been thinking about the wedding.

Su Xingchuan pulled him in close — just as Xie Liang came out and caught sight of them, immediately squinting. 'Oh ho.'

Li Xuan turned his head away.

'Dr. Li,' Xie Liang said, grinning, 'Xingchuan was so antsy today he couldn't sit still for a single minute — like there was a nail hidden in his chair.'

Even the tips of Li Xuan's ears went red.

Su Xingchuan waved Xie Liang off — get lost.

With Xie Liang's voice finally gone, Su Xingchuan asked, 'Where does Xuanxuan want to have the wedding?'

'Haven't decided yet.'

'We'll figure it out together when we get home.'

Except once they were home, never mind picking a church — Su Xingchuan forgot about the wedding entirely. The door wasn't even shut before he had Li Xuan pressed against the wall by the entryway, one hand cradling the back of his head, the other already working off his jacket.

He looked desperate.

Li Xuan felt nervous for the first time before something like this, his whole body going rigid. Su Xingchuan caught the daze in his eyes and stopped, touching his nose to Li Xuan's. 'Did I scare you?'

Li Xuan played it cool. 'No.'

'Then we keep going?'

Li Xuan's breath caught — and Su Xingchuan had already picked him up and carried him to the bathroom. Day to day, Su Xingchuan was so gentle, so careful, that Li Xuan had almost forgotten what he'd been like at twenty, all reckless edges. Forgotten, too, how he'd been left too wrecked to get out of bed, running a fever, living on liquids for days.

His bare back met cold tile. Steam billowed around them, heat rising steadily through his body — and still Li Xuan felt a little cold. He didn't say so. He just tipped his head back and let Su Xingchuan have him, all that barely-contained urgency, all of it.

Li Xuan thought: I really do love Su Xingchuan too much.

Time stopped being something he could track. He couldn't have said how long they stayed in the shower — water crashed down like a cloudburst, loud and total, and after came that agonizing swing between hot and cold, kisses falling in between like sparks, love rolling in like waves that kept breaking against the shore and pulling back, leaving white foam behind.

Neither of them could tell who was the wave and who was the one being swept away.

Su Xingchuan was — a lot.

It wasn't until later that he softened back into himself, lips close to Li Xuan's ear, murmuring the kind of things that made your face go warm.

Li Xuan buried his face in the blanket. Su Xingchuan pulled him back out. He'd been worn down past the point of dignity. 'I'm tired,' he finally said. A plea.

'So sleep.'

Li Xuan had no words.

He stared up at the night sky outside the window. Had to be past midnight by now. He turned over, cupped Su Xingchuan's face in both hands, eyes wet and pitiful. 'Husband,' he said. 'Please. Let me go.'

Su Xingchuan blinked — then laughed, soft. 'Okay. Fine.'

Right before he drifted off, Li Xuan heard Su Xingchuan ask, 'Dr. Li, how would you rate my recovery?'

Dr. Li did not have a single functioning brain cell left.

'Dr. Li,' Su Xingchuan pressed, 'do you think I need a third follow-up appointment?'

Li Xuan made a small, wrecked sound. Su Xingchuan couldn't hold back his laugh.

'You are so annoying,' Li Xuan said, with feeling.

His eyes closed and he was out.

Su Xingchuan touched his cheek, then pressed a kiss to his forehead. 'Goodnight, baby,' he said quietly.

The next day, Li Xuan slept straight through to noon.

Xu Zhengdong was passing by Su Xingchuan's place and on a whim came up to check on the two of them. He waited in the living room for ages before Li Xuan finally deigned to surface — and even then he didn't come out to greet his uncle. He just called from the bedroom like he owned the place: 'Su Xingchuan! I want water!'

Su Xingchuan immediately brought him water.

Xu Zhengdong's eye caught a branded bag from andrology hospital sitting on the coffee table. He'd assumed it was something of Li Xuan's — but when he leaned in and looked, the patient name on it was Su Xingchuan's.

He couldn't make sense of most of the medical jargon, but one phrase jumped out at him — 'vas deferens' — and his heart lurched.

Su Xingchuan had finally coaxed Li Xuan out of the bedroom.

Li Xuan shuffled into the living room, hair a complete disaster. Xu Zhengdong was holding the medical report. 'What's this?'

'It says right there, doesn't it? Su Xingchuan.'

Li Xuan had only just gotten out of bed — and now he was horizontal on the couch.

Xu Zhengdong lowered his voice. 'Xingchuan… in that department…'

Li Xuan thought about what Su Xingchuan had done to him last night and decided, on the spot, to make something up. 'Mm.'

Su Xingchuan carried breakfast into the living room and was about to nudge Li Xuan upright when he noticed something off. Xu Zhengdong was looking at him — first a slow shake of the head, then a long, regretful sigh.

Su Xingchuan had no idea what was happening.

Then Li Xuan added, very casually, 'I'm the one who did the surgery.'

Xu Zhengdong stood up and clapped Su Xingchuan on the shoulder. 'Someone gave me some sea cucumber and deer antler velvet a while back. You want some?'

Su Xingchuan stood there for a long moment. Then it hit him. '…'

He looked at Li Xuan. 'Xuanxuan, if you don't set your uncle straight right now, I'm going to eat a lot of sea cucumber.'

Li Xuan froze. He sat up off the couch immediately and came clean — Su Xingchuan was absolutely fine in that department. Zero issues.

.

.

After New Year's, Su Xingchuan and Li Xuan chose Bali as the site for their wedding.

The chapel sat on an island, and from inside you could see an endless stretch of blue water. The day was brilliant with sunlight, white seabirds cutting across the sky. Everything was exactly as beautiful as it needed to be.

Li Xuan stood in front of the mirror while Xu Nianzhi straightened his collar.

He glanced at his mother. Xu Nianzhi smiled.

Ten minutes until the ceremony. Sitting alone in the dressing room, Li Xuan felt the nerves hit him all at once — and then, as if on cue, Su Xingchuan knocked and came in.

He wrapped his arms around Li Xuan from behind and pressed a kiss to the side of his face.

'Don't be nervous, baby.'

They were still caught up in each other when Xie Liang knocked from outside. 'Xingchuan, you in there? Come out for a sec — the officiant's here. You want to go over the vows with him?'

Su Xingchuan said sure and started to let go, but Li Xuan caught his hand and pulled him closer.

Su Xingchuan leaned down, and Li Xuan brought his lips to his ear. 'I don't think I've ever actually said it to you. Properly.'

'Said what?'

'I love you.'

The smile that broke across Su Xingchuan's face reached all the way to his eyes.

Li Xuan laid it bare, a little clumsy with the honesty: 'The first time I ran into you — that alley. You put yourself between me and whatever was out there. It was pitch dark. Your back was to me and I couldn't even make out your face. I fell for you anyway.'

'Right then I knew. I wanted you next to me. Always.'

Su Xingchuan tilted his head down and kissed him.

Su Xingchuan — stay by my side. Let's go slow, let's go long, let's love each other deep. And in the next life, let's find each other again.

—END—