Chapter 27

He Ning called Li Xuan.

Short and to the point, but the intention was obvious — she was inviting him to visit her hometown in Ling'an.

She couldn't quite bring herself to say it plainly, so she used the excuse that the marinated duck and spiced beef she'd been curing at home were ready, and he should come try some.

Li Xuan picked up looking completely lost. Su Xingchuan said quietly from beside him, 'Go if you want. Don't if you don't.'

Li Xuan thought about it and decided to go — but he wasn't ready, and he had no idea how to get through a conversation with He Ning without it going sideways, so he shoved the phone at Su Xingchuan and let him handle it.

Su Xingchuan took it without missing a beat.

He wrapped up the call and stepped out onto the balcony.

Li Xuan was leaning over the railing, letting the wind hit his face. Su Xingchuan came up behind him and scooped him back, pulling him into his arms. 'Aren't you cold?'

Li Xuan shook his head.

'Let me apologize on behalf of my mom first,' Su Xingchuan said.

'You've said that about eight hundred times already.'

Su Xingchuan laughed softly. 'It still doesn't feel like enough. Bao, what exactly did she say to you that day?'

'I don't remember.'

Li Xuan turned to look at him, mouth curving up. 'I kept it all in my head before we found each other again. After that — it just went.'

He tilted sideways into Su Xingchuan's arms. 'If you want to make it up to me, then —' He stopped dead.

'Then what?'

Li Xuan thought about it for a long moment and came up empty. He let out a long sigh. 'Honestly, I can't think of anything to ask you for.'

Su Xingchuan was already his devoted husband, his loyal servant, his dedicated personal driver, and his bed-warmer — asking for anything more, Li Xuan thought, would be pushing it.

Su Xingchuan bit his ear. 'Keep thinking.'

Li Xuan's eyes drifted sideways. 'I want instant noodles.'

'What made you suddenly want instant noodles?'

'No idea,' Li Xuan said. 'Just did.'

So at half past ten at night, with a bright moon overhead and stars scattered across the sky, the whole city slowly going quiet, Li Xuan sat at the dining table and waited while Su Xingchuan set a steaming bowl of instant noodles down in front of him — an egg cracked in, plus a slice of ham sausage.

Su Xingchuan had a way of making the word 'home' feel concrete, and Li Xuan felt warmth fill his chest all the way to the edges. He sat there with a dopey look on his face for a good while before he remembered to pull out his phone and take a photo of the bowl — the walnut-wood tabletop, the warm yellow light, the milky-white noodle bowl.

The photo also caught Su Xingchuan's arm. His very well-built arm.

Li Xuan was extremely satisfied with the composition. He looked it over from every angle, then saved it to his photo album.

A private album. Su Xingchuan noticed, though he couldn't quite make out the album name, so he leaned in and asked, curious: 'What else is in there?'

Li Xuan pursed his lips. 'Not telling you.'

Su Xingchuan flicked his nose with a curled finger.

Su Xingchuan cooked a bowl for himself too, and the two of them sat across from each other eating. Li Xuan said it was too hot, so Su Xingchuan blew on it for him to cool it down.

Su Xingchuan was good at boiling eggs — he could nail the timing every time and get them perfectly soft in the middle. Li Xuan loved the way a runny yolk mixed into the noodles.

'Good?' Su Xingchuan asked.

Li Xuan bobbed his head back and forth the way he used to in school.

And under the table, stepped on Su Xingchuan's foot.

Both feet, planted right on top of Su Xingchuan's. Su Xingchuan didn't mind at all — just let him do it.

They hadn't been back together long, but Li Xuan had already slipped back into his old self around Su Xingchuan. The floodgates were open. He talked about work — sometimes scoffing, sometimes wistful — and Su Xingchuan just listened.

'Why did you pick an andrology clinic in the first place?' Su Xingchuan asked.

'Specialty hospitals are quieter, relatively speaking.'

'So then...'

Li Xuan knew exactly where that sentence was going. He let out a cold little huff. 'Yeah. See enough of it and you just stop being interested.'

Su Xingchuan laughed softly. 'That's not gonna fly.'

Li Xuan stepped on his foot. Su Xingchuan made a show of wincing. 'Ow — you're vicious.'

Li Xuan was one of those people who couldn't gain weight no matter what he ate. Su Xingchuan wasn't so blessed. After they finished, he put the dishes in the dishwasher, and as he stood up it suddenly occurred to him that he wasn't sure his abs were still there.

He hadn't been to the gym since his health started acting up.

He reached down and checked.

Good news: the outline was still there.

Bad news: that was all there was.

He told Li Xuan, 'Starting tomorrow I'm getting back to the gym. At least three times a week.'

Li Xuan didn't look thrilled. 'What time would you even get home?'

'Before ten, easy.'

Li Xuan shook his head. 'You're not going.'

Su Xingchuan dropped onto the couch and pulled Li Xuan into his lap. 'Didn't you say my abs were your favorite thing?'

Li Xuan made a sound and swung a leg over to straddle him. He didn't want to be apart from Su Xingchuan for too long. 'I can pretend you still have them.'

Su Xingchuan's expression went flat. '...I do still have them.'

Li Xuan settled against his chest. 'Then let me come with you.'

Su Xingchuan said, half joking, 'Sure, Xuanxuan can sit there watching me work out, and if anyone tries to bother me you charge over and yell — this is my boyfriend!'

Li Xuan actually nodded, completely serious.

Su Xingchuan's hand traveled from the back of Li Xuan's neck slowly downward, lingering at the small of his back. Li Xuan pressed his face into the curve of his throat. Su Xingchuan said close to his ear, 'Ten more days, right?'

Li Xuan's voice came out muffled. 'That's not how you count it.'

'So how much longer?'

Li Xuan's breath came quicker. He grabbed Su Xingchuan's collar and managed, barely, to stay calm. 'After the follow-up. We talk after the follow-up.'

.

The night before New Year's Day, Su Xingchuan brought Li Xuan home.

He Ning glanced at Li Xuan, gave a small smile, then turned and walked into the kitchen. Li Xuan shot Su Xingchuan a desperate look.

Su Xingchuan was just about to go after his mother when He Ning came back out carrying a plate of fruit. Li Xuan stood there, frozen.

He Ning spoke to Li Xuan first. 'Auntie owes you an apology. Seven years ago, the things I said… I said them too harshly.'

Li Xuan didn't say anything.

'Watching you these past few months — I really was too quick to judge. You're not who I imagined at all. Like your mom said, you're a good kid.'

Not a freak. Not someone who would tear Su Xingchuan's family apart. A good kid.

He Ning set the fruit down and looked at Li Xuan. 'I'm sorry.'

Li Xuan felt the stone that had been sitting on his chest for seven years finally lift.

Su Xingchuan took his hand.

It was just like Li Xuan used to dream about — some deep, quiet night, Su Xingchuan knocking at the door of his heart, walking up to that twenty-year-old still curled into a corner, and leading him out.

Unguarded. Bright. Free.

Back, at last, to Li Xuan.

The atmosphere at Su Xingchuan's place never quite matched Li Xuan's, so on New Year's Day Li Xuan brought Su Xingchuan home for dinner.

Su Xingchuan helped out in the kitchen.

Li Xuan sprawled across the sofa eating snacks.

Xu Zhengdong came in, shrugged off his jacket, and sat down beside him, then reached into the snack bag. Li Xuan wasn't having it — he cinched the bag shut and refused to let Xu Zhengdong take any more.

'Su Xingchuan made those chips and cookies for me.'

Since the two of them had been spending so much time cooped up at home, Li Xuan had been snacking constantly. Su Xingchuan was worried all that processed food wasn't good for him, so after thinking it over, he decided to start making snacks at home himself.

He made chips and cookies. They were really good.

Xu Zhengdong let out a scoff. 'Got a husband now and forgot all about your uncle.'

Li Xuan asked, 'Uncle, did you get a new boyfriend again?'

'New one, yeah.'

'What happened with the last one?'

'Too much drama. Always pushing me to go get officially registered abroad with him. Like that's ever going to happen.'

Li Xuan frowned. 'Why not? I thought you really liked him.'

'Liking someone doesn't mean you have to go get married. Liking is just liking.'

Li Xuan shook his head. 'Then it wasn't really liking.'

Xu Zhengdong gave him a sideways look, smiling. 'Oh yeah? So what is liking, then?'

'Liking isn't just wanting to get married. It's wanting to be with him this life and the next.'

Xu Zhengdong got full-body goosebumps. He waved a hand. 'Yeah, no thanks. Your uncle's still planning to play the field till he's fifty.'

The words were barely out of his mouth when Xu Nianzhi's voice came from somewhere above his head. 'What? Fifty? You dare!'

Xu Zhengdong startled so hard he flinched. 'Joking, sis, just joking — don't take it seriously, don't take it seriously!'

Li Xuan used the chaos to snatch the chip bag back, hugged it to his chest, and went off to find Su Xingchuan, who was in the kitchen tossing a cold dish.

'I want to go somewhere,' Li Xuan said.

'Where?'

'Abroad. To get registered. A snowy day, find a church, bring the rings.'

Li Xuan was painting the picture out loud. Su Xingchuan stopped and looked at him.

Li Xuan tilted his head. 'So? What do you think?'

Su Xingchuan smiled, eyes warm. 'I think it sounds perfect.'

The last dish made it to the table and they all finally sat down. Xu Nianzhi asked, 'Xingchuan, are you still at Zhongjin Group?'

'I'll be back at the office in a couple days,' Su Xingchuan said. 'All the pre-IPO prep is wrapped up, so I won't need to be stationed there anymore — if something comes up I'll just go back and forth.'

'That sounds exhausting.'

'Not really. This time around was actually pretty smooth.'

Xu Nianzhi smiled. 'Fair enough. Zhengdong didn't give you a hard time, did he?'

'Of course not.'

Xu Zhengdong jumped to his own defense. 'What do you mean give him a hard time? I spotted him right away — '

Before he could finish, Li Xuan shot him a look. 'Spotted him for what?'

'Spotted him. To be Xiao Xuan's boyfriend.'

Li Xuan relaxed.

'Why would I give him a hard time? I've always looked out for Xingchuan.'

Su Xingchuan backed him up. 'He really has. My boss has been incredibly good to me.'

Li Xuan zeroed in on that. 'Wait — was he not good to you before?'

Su Xingchuan laughed. 'No, he was fine.'

Li Xuan frowned anyway and started poking at his bowl with his chopsticks.

Xu Zhengdong watched him for a second, then turned to Su Xingchuan. 'See, he's already holding a grudge. Our Dr. Li here is the reigning champion of holding grudges — don't ever let him run into your boss, someone's going to end up dead.'

Su Xingchuan laughed softly and picked up a piece of braised rib and set it in Li Xuan's bowl.

He leaned close to Li Xuan's ear. 'I'm very well respected at work. Don't go getting ideas, Xuanxuan.'

After dinner, Xu Zhengdong called Su Xingchuan outside.

Xu Zhengdong and Li Xuan's Father had both had a bit too much to drink. He waved Su Xingchuan over. 'Xingchuan, come here — I want to show you something.'

Su Xingchuan walked over, curious.

'I've got a video for you. Five years ago — the year Xuanxuan just graduated.' Xu Zhengdong smiled, eyes full of warmth as he watched the Li Xuan on screen. 'You two missed seven years, right? Consider this a catch-up lesson.'

The video was Xu Zhengdong's own recording.

His voice ran in the background.

The shot opened on the living room — bright and clean — where Xu Nianzhi and Li Xuan's Father were wrapping dumplings together.

The big TV in the living room was playing a variety show, and two little cats were bouncing back and forth across the sofa.

The whole house was buzzing with that New Year's Eve feeling.

'What filling are we doing tonight?' Xu Zhengdong asked.

Xu Nianzhi smiled. 'Three-fresh, and pork with shrimp.'

Xu Zhengdong swung the camera toward the cats. 'You two are so fat. You've turned into little balls.'

One of the cats rolled over and flashed its belly at him.

'I'm not petting you. I don't even like you.'

He said that, then crouched right down and rubbed the cat's soft pink belly anyway. 'Where's Xuanxuan?'

Xu Nianzhi glanced around. 'Haven't seen him.'

Xu Zhengdong swept the camera through the apartment and finally found Li Xuan out on the balcony off his bedroom.

Li Xuan was sitting on a stool with his knees pulled to his chest, staring blankly out the window. When he heard footsteps he immediately sniffled, turned toward the wall, and put his back to Xu Zhengdong.

'And over here we have a little crybaby.'

Li Xuan muttered into the wall, 'Get out.'

'Crying again. It's just a breakup — you've been at it all year, you want to ruin your eyes?'

Xu Zhengdong leaned in closer to Li Xuan, and the camera closed in too.

Li Xuan's swollen, puffy eyes came into sharper focus.

'Tell your jiujiu — what's your New Year's wish?'

Li Xuan had his chin resting on his arms, still hugging his knees. The sobbing slowly tapered off. 'I don't have one,' he said.

'Do you still miss him?'

Su Xingchuan watched twenty-two-year-old Li Xuan on screen — baby fat not quite gone, still so young-looking — and watched the tears roll down his face one by one. It hurt too much to say anything.

Li Xuan asked through his tears, 'Jiujiu, what if I never get over it?'

'You will,' Xu Zhengdong said. 'You two only dated a few months — how deep could it really go? Give it another six months, tops. You'll be fine. And then your jiujiu will find you someone new.'

Li Xuan shook his head. 'I'm done.'

Xu Zhengdong blinked. 'What?'

Li Xuan was crying so hard he could barely get the words out. 'I'm never dating again,' he said pitifully. 'I hate it. I hate all of it.'

'— Jiujiu!'

The video wasn't even finished when Li Xuan bolted onto the balcony and snatched the phone out of Xu Zhengdong's hand. 'Why are you showing him that?'

Xu Zhengdong startled.

The phone was still playing — Li Xuan's voice coming out of it: 'I don't want to date anyone ever again…'

Li Xuan's face went scarlet.

Xu Zhengdong burst out laughing. Su Xingchuan reached over to pull Li Xuan in, but Li Xuan shook him off. 'I hate you,' Li Xuan said.

Then he looked at Xu Zhengdong. 'And you too.'

Li Xuan slammed the glass door shut with a bang, locking both Xu Zhengdong and Su Xingchuan out on the balcony to think about what they'd done.