Chapter 26

Li Xuan went to the bathroom to wash up.

Su Xingchuan stepped out to the balcony and called his mother. He Ning took half a minute to pick up. He spoke first. 'Mom, how are you feeling today? Still got that headache?'

She'd told him two days ago she'd cried herself into a headache at home.

A few seconds of silence on the other end, then slowly: 'It's gone. Yesterday, Li Xuan's mother came to see me.'

Su Xingchuan went still.

'We didn't fight. Just talked.' He Ning paused for a few seconds. 'Xingchuan, you're not a child anymore. You're twenty-seven. Your life is your responsibility.'

Su Xingchuan was genuinely stunned. He hadn't expected He Ning to shift this fast — he'd braced himself for a long war of attrition.

'Your father and I still can't accept your orientation. That hasn't changed. But there's nothing we can do about it either. Destroying this family's happiness, making you and your parents enemies — all for the sake of some conventional idea of what happiness looks like — there's no point in that.'

Su Xingchuan started to say something, stopped. He Ning sighed on the other end. 'That's all, Xingchuan. Go live your life.'

What she still couldn't bring herself to say was: we hope you're happy.

Because she didn't believe Li Xuan could make him happy. Didn't believe two men in love could ever have the same kind of ending a real couple would.

Su Xingchuan cut in before she could hang up. 'Mom — thank you for understanding. But what said to Li Xuan back then...'

He wanted an apology.

He Ning was quiet for a long moment. Then: 'I hear you.'

He hung up and turned around — and there was Li Xuan, standing on the other side of the glass door waiting for him. He must've guessed Su Xingchuan was on the phone with his parents, because he looked absolutely anxious, watching him with those wide, searching eyes.

Su Xingchuan walked up to the glass and made an exaggerated crying face at him.

Li Xuan immediately panicked, the corners of his own mouth dragging down to match.

Su Xingchuan switched to a grin.

Playful and relieved at the same time.

Li Xuan blinked, then let out a small scoffing huff through his nose.

Su Xingchuan slid the glass door open and pulled Li Xuan into his arms. 'My mom came around.'

Li Xuan let out a breath right along with him.

'You have your mom to thank — she went to talk to mine.'

They fell into a quiet spell. Li Xuan rested his face against Su Xingchuan's shoulder and said, 'My mom's really great. You'll see once you spend some time with her. And my... my uncle too.'

Su Xingchuan smiled. 'I'll get along with both of them just fine. Is there anything else you're worried about, Xuanxuan?'

'I'm not great with older people.'

'That's okay. You don't have to be. And if you do have to deal with it, I'll be right there in the middle making it work. Don't stress.'

'Mm.' Li Xuan always believed him.

Su Xingchuan said don't stress, and just like that, he wasn't stressed.

Except...

That thing he'd said wrong this morning — he still hadn't fixed it. He grabbed the hem of Su Xingchuan's shirt, hesitated a beat, then mumbled into his shoulder: 'I'm not actually going to find some young cutie.'

Su Xingchuan pretended not to catch it. 'Sorry, what?'

Li Xuan rushed it out again: 'I said I'm not going to find some young cutie.'

Su Xingchuan kept the act going. Still couldn't hear a thing.

Li Xuan, annoyed, refused to say it a third time.

There was a little friction between them — but they still spent the rest of the morning tucked together, warm and easy.

Su Xingchuan had a swing chair on his balcony. He lay back in it, Li Xuan draped across him, both of them soaking up the sun. It started with Su Xingchuan rambling — then gradually Li Xuan started talking back, telling him about his years studying abroad: who he'd met, what he'd been through, slow and unhurried, nothing left out. Every time he mentioned some guy from his program, Su Xingchuan would give his ass a pinch. Li Xuan turned his face away. 'You're the one who asked.'

Su Xingchuan smiled. 'Keep going.'

'There's nothing interesting left.'

'I want to know.'

So Li Xuan kept going — and somewhere in the middle of it, drifted off again.

Su Xingchuan settled him onto the hammock, tucked the blanket around him, then headed downstairs to the complex's little grocery store to pick up ingredients.

He was finally making good on an old wish.

Cooking with his own hands. A proper spread, just for Li Xuan.

While he cooked, Li Xuan sat in the kitchen doorway watching — and every time Su Xingchuan came close enough, he'd sneak a hand out and tug the bow of his apron strings loose.

Su Xingchuan would glance over. Li Xuan would go instantly innocent, arms wrapped around the chair back, saying nothing.

Su Xingchuan had half-expected Li Xuan to play up the injured hand — play pathetic, make him spoon-feed him, same as always. But once the three dishes and a soup were on the table, Li Xuan settled into his seat like a good boy, chopsticks in hand, waiting.

'Go ahead. Tell me what you think.'

Su Xingchuan picked a piece of fish into his bowl, then ladled him a full bowl of steaming chicken soup.

Li Xuan cradled the bowl in both hands and sipped it slowly, one small mouthful at a time.

Su Xingchuan glanced down. Sure enough — Li Xuan's legs were doing that thing, both of them swinging in small alternating arcs.

Su Xingchuan suddenly felt like the food didn't really matter. Just watching Li Xuan eat — that was enough to make him feel completely, stupidly happy.

.

The weekend ended and Su Xingchuan went back to work at Zhongjin Group.

Unlike the past few days when he'd been walking around looking miserable, the moment his secretary saw him she said, 'Huh? Manager Su, you're glowing today. What happened — did you start dating someone?'

Su Xingchuan could barely keep the delight off his face. 'Better than that,' he said.

'Better how?' The secretary was genuinely curious.

'Got back together with my ex.'

The secretary's eyes went wide. 'Oh — so the match Director Xu was trying to set you up with never had a shot?'

Right on cue, the elevator doors opened and Xu Zhengdong stepped out. He'd caught the tail end of it. He laughed. 'No, she really didn't. I wasted everyone's time on that one.'

Su Xingchuan's expression went a little awkward.

He followed Xu Zhengdong into the office. Xu Zhengdong shrugged off his jacket and sat down; Su Xingchuan stood at the edge of the desk. 'Director Xu,' he said, 'I wasn't in my right mind for a while there. I said a lot of things I shouldn't have.'

Xu Zhengdong's eyes were full of amusement. He tilted his chin up — go on.

'Xiao Xuan and I are officially back together.'

'I heard from my sister. You didn't go home last night.'

Su Xingchuan felt even more awkward.

'Relax, I'm not poking at you.' Xu Zhengdong dropped the teasing and, in a rare moment of real seriousness, said: 'Finding someone you actually care about isn't easy. Take care of my nephew.'

'I know. I will.'

Su Xingchuan was already turning to leave when Xu Zhengdong called after him: 'You can drop the formalities, by the way. In private.'

Su Xingchuan cleared his throat and braced himself to say 'jiujiu.'

It stuck in his throat.

He just... couldn't quite get it out.

Two reasons: Xu Zhengdong was only ten years older than Su Xingchuan, and the second he laid eyes on him, he'd flash back to that mortifying scene two days ago.

The two of them just stared at each other for a solid thirty seconds.

Su Xingchuan: '...'

Xu Zhengdong: '...'

Finally Xu Zhengdong said, 'Don't bother. Just get out of here.'

Su Xingchuan fled like a man who'd just been pardoned.

.

After work, he drove to the hospital entrance to pick up Li Xuan.

He sent Li Xuan a text. No reply.

Li Xuan had been stuck in the patient ward dealing with a patient emergency, and it wasn't until he finally made it back to his office that he saw the message Su Xingchuan had sent half an hour ago. He slung his backpack on and bolted.

Nearly gave one of the passing nurses a heart attack.

She grabbed her colleague's arm. 'Who — who was that?'

'Was that Dr. Li?'

The first nurse shook her head fast. 'No way'

'But he's the only young hot guy on this floor.'

'Dr. Li has feelings? Since when?'

The very-much-feeling Dr. Li sprinted all the way out of the hospital. He was worried Su Xingchuan had been waiting too long, so he'd already worked out a quick apology in his head — but when he skidded up to the car, it was empty. Dark inside.

His stomach dropped. He called Su Xingchuan immediately.

No answer.

Li Xuan stood on the steps and looked around, an indescribable dread rising in his chest.

He was so scared of losing Su Xingchuan again.

'Baobao.'

Su Xingchuan's voice came from behind him. Li Xuan spun around. Su Xingchuan was walking over, holding two roasted sweet potatoes.

Winter evenings go fast. The last of the light was at Su Xingchuan's back — he was wearing a dark-brown coat, walking toward Li Xuan, the orange glow of dusk catching in his hair.

'Look what I got.'

Before he could finish, Li Xuan had already bolted toward him.

Bolted over and threw his arms around him.

He held tight around Su Xingchuan's neck, voice cracking. 'Why didn't you pick up?'

Su Xingchuan blinked, caught off guard, and immediately said, 'You called me? I didn't hear it — there are so many people here and my phone was in my pocket, I —'

'I'm sorry.' Li Xuan cut him off. 'I didn't see your message. There was a patient arguing with me about billing the whole time, wouldn't listen no matter what I said — I didn't see it until I got back to my office. I made you wait half an hour. I'm sorry.'

Su Xingchuan stilled for a moment, not quite understanding why Li Xuan was apologizing.

'I'm scared of running out the good thing we have — you've been so good to me, and one day you're going to get tired of it.'

'And I don't really know how to be in a relationship. The moment you spoil me I turn into a kid again, and I stop thinking about you at all.'

'And... what I said the other morning — I didn't mean it.'

Su Xingchuan's mouth curved. He looped his arms around Li Xuan's waist.

Li Xuan leaned against his shoulder, aggrieved. 'Why aren't you mad? You always used to pretend to be mad. Why are you so calm about it now, like you didn't even hear me? I don't like this.'

'Then what do you want me to do?'

Li Xuan said, 'Don't bottle things up. Don't make the same mistake I made seven years ago.'

Su Xingchuan's expression shifted — the warmth in his eyes gave way to something that ached.

Seven years had changed Li Xuan too.

The careless boy he'd been was gone. Now he second-guessed everything, afraid of losing what he had.

'I'm not going to find some young cutie. I was joking. And I'm not going to let you wait on me forever either — if we're both old someday, we take care of each other.'

Su Xingchuan stroked his hair. 'But what if I want to take care of my little maomaotou forever? All the way to old age. What am I supposed to do about that?'

'You're really not mad?'

'About that?'

'Yeah.' Li Xuan slowly loosened his arms from around Su Xingchuan's neck and gave a little sniff, standing there in front of him. 'Does it hurt your feelings?'

'Why would it hurt my feelings?'

Su Xingchuan leaned down slightly and said close to Li Xuan's ear, 'I don't think I'm any worse than I was at twenty.'

Li Xuan took a second to catch up.

He suddenly remembered what Su Xingchuan had said when they first ran into each other again — what if things don't work? Does the doctor offer a warranty? Can we use the doctor to find out?

Looked like Dr. Li really was the only one who could run that test.

Su Xingchuan glanced up at the andrology clinic sign, then leaned in close to Li Xuan's face. 'Dr. Li, I intend to prove — through practical demonstration — that the whole downhill-after-twenty-five thing is a myth.'

Li Xuan hooked a finger around one of his coat buttons. 'Oh.'