Chapter 3

Li Xuan turned and walked out, straight past Xie Liang.

Xie Liang stood there watching him go, then pointed after him and turned to Su Xingchuan, shaking his head. 'God, he's gorgeous. Like, genuinely ambiguous gorgeous — it's almost a waste on a man. Put that face on a woman's body and the line of people chasing him would stretch all the way to Central Street.'

'There was no shortage of people chasing him back then either.'

The words had barely landed when Xie Liang whipped around. 'Wait — what? You two know each other?'

'Ex-boyfriend.'

Xie Liang staggered back and hit the door with a thud. 'No wonder. I finally get why you never got over your first love.'

He pointed a thumb at Su Xingchuan. 'Solid taste.'

Su Xingchuan let out a short laugh.

'Okay but what did he mean just now — if it doesn't work, just be the bottom?' The thought caught up to him. Xie Liang's eyes went wide and he looked Su Xingchuan up and down. 'No way. Bro —'

'Get out.' One word.

Xie Liang burst out laughing, then remembered where he was and swallowed it down. He still managed to ask: 'How are you doing though? Does it hurt bad?'

'A little.'

Su Xingchuan did look rough. Xie Liang wasn't going to kick him while he was down.

'You've been under a lot of pressure lately,' Xie Liang said, sitting on the edge of the bed with a sigh. 'I told you not to go after the Zhongjin Group project. You did it anyway. That's not something just anyone can pull off — that Xu Zhengdong, I always thought something was off with him. Total local tyrant. Looks down his nose at everyone, makes you grovel and smile and kiss up to him, and he still might not throw you a bone.'

Su Xingchuan smiled and shook his head. 'If I have to grovel, I grovel. Money's money.'

'If this deal closes,' Xie Liang said, rubbing his fingers together, 'you're clearing seven figures this year.'

'Maybe.'

Xie Liang tipped his chin toward the door. 'Does he know you're making that kind of money now?'

He meant Li Xuan. Xie Liang knew exactly who he was asking about.

'Doubt he cares,' Su Xingchuan said, shaking his head. 'His family's loaded — dad's in business, mom's in government. Money's never been his problem.'

Xie Liang looked mildly surprised. 'Huh.'

'Wait — who's doing your surgery tomorrow?'

'Him.'

'What? Him?! That's insane,' Xie Liang shot to his feet, then leaned in with this conspiratorial look on his face. 'You're really letting your ex operate on you? What if his hand slips and you come out of it a broken man — then what?'

Su Xingchuan had asked Li Xuan something similar himself, but that was just to mess with him. Hearing it from someone else was different — his instinct was to defend Li Xuan.

'Have some respect for the man's skills, okay?'

Xie Liang laughed and waved him off. 'Relax, I'm kidding. Let me wash one of those apples for you.'

Su Xingchuan had checked in at three that afternoon. Xie Liang stayed for a bit, then headed back to the office. With nothing else to do, Su Xingchuan pulled out his laptop and worked through financial reports, one call after another until the room went dark. Even the nurse on duty said, 'Mr. Su, you never stop, do you?'

'What can I say.' He gave her a helpless smile. He watched her swap the IV bag in the next room, and something crossed his mind. He lowered his voice. 'Dr. Li — Li Xuan — what's he like?'

The nurse didn't even need to ask which Dr. Li. Too many people had asked the same question — she had the answer ready: 'Very professional, very thorough. Quiet, though. Doesn't talk much.'

'And… is he seeing anyone?'

The nurse raised an eyebrow at him. 'Handsome guys gossip too?'

'Only when the nurse is this cute,' Su Xingchuan said.

She burst out laughing.

Su Xingchuan was tall, sharp-featured, the kind of presence that filled a room — little intimidating, honestly. The nurse had been too nervous to talk to him at first. But his phone manner was so calm and patient that she'd eventually worked up the nerve.

He hadn't always been like that.

Li Xuan had worn down the sharper edges. Life and work had done the rest.

The Su Xingchuan who'd spent his teens on the basketball court picking fights and calling teammates spineless cowards — that guy never could have imagined himself on the phone one day saying, 'Yes, yes, absolutely, Director Xu, your read on the current situation is genuinely impressive, I have a lot to learn from you.'

People say you can't change who you are. Su Xingchuan thought that was pretty easy to disprove.

The little nurse wasn't giving anything up willingly, so Su Xingchuan tried a different angle. 'Dr. Li's really good-looking — I was thinking of setting him up with my sister. Just need to know if he's seeing anyone first.'

'Dr. Li's partner… I don't think he has one? He mostly keeps to himself. Though last month on his birthday, some pretty good-looking guy came by with a cake and helped hand it out to everyone in the department — but Dr. Li never said what their deal was.'

The nurse was dancing around it, but the implication was plain enough. That Li Xuan might not be straight — most people in the department had already figured that out.

As for the good-looking guy.

Su Xingchuan went very still.

He actually has someone? Su Xingchuan's stomach dropped — dropped hard enough that the pain below suddenly felt worse.

What kind of person would Li Xuan even go for?

Someone who'd show up on his birthday and hand out cake to his coworkers?

Sounded a lot like the Su Xingchuan from back then.

Su Xingchuan had bought Li Xuan's roommates coffee more than once, hoping they'd put up with Li Xuan's high-maintenance streak and not make things weird. He'd been more like a parent managing the situation than a boyfriend.

If he'd known it'd end like this, he never would've tried so hard. Su Xingchuan exhaled quietly somewhere inside himself.

'Cutie — nothing to eat or drink after dinner at six, okay? Dr. Li will be by later.' The little nurse reminded him on her way out.

'Got it,' Su Xingchuan said.

*

Su Xingchuan waited a long time before Li Xuan finally showed up.

At one point he'd figured Li Xuan wasn't coming at all — it was already past the end of his shift.

It was six-twenty by the time Li Xuan walked in.

He was still in his white coat. He set two surgical consent forms on the bed. 'Read them first, then sign.'

Su Xingchuan skimmed them and signed without asking anything.

Neither of them said a word.

The patient in the next bed said he wanted to go downstairs for a walk. His wife helped him up and the two of them shuffled out of the room together.

They were probably in their mid-forties. Everything — the way they moved, the things they said — had that easy, unspoken rhythm of people who'd been together a long time.

Su Xingchuan watched them go.

When he turned back, Li Xuan was watching too.

'Dr. Li,' Su Xingchuan called out, his expression loose and unbothered, 'can I ask you something?'

Li Xuan didn't answer. Which meant yes.

'How'd you end up working at andrology clinic?'

'Where else should I work?'

Su Xingchuan hadn't expected a comeback. He laughed, a little helpless. 'Just — surprising, I guess. Urology, it's not what I'd have pictured for you. I always figured you'd go into cardiology or something like that.'

'It's all the same.' Li Xuan said.

He pulled a pen from his pocket and scratched a quick line into the patient file.

'You've changed a lot,' Su Xingchuan said.

Li Xuan's hand stilled for a moment.

'More grown-up. Like an actual adult.'

Li Xuan looked up. This time the look wasn't quite so cold.

Su Xingchuan was just about to say something when a young nurse appeared in the doorway. 'Oh — Dr. Li, you're still here?'

The moment broke. Su Xingchuan touched his nose and listened to Li Xuan's voice slip back into that polished, professional distance: 'Just going over tomorrow's procedure with the patient. I'll be off soon — are you on tonight?'

'Yep,' the nurse said, rapping her knuckles on the doorframe. She gave Su Xingchuan a familiar little smile: 'Handsome, no water after midnight, okay?'

'Got it, thanks.'

Li Xuan looked back at Su Xingchuan. The cold was back in his eyes, his mouth pressed into a flat line. He scribbled two quick lines and moved to leave.

Su Xingchuan called after him: 'That's it? You're just going?'

Li Xuan paused, genuinely puzzled. 'Was there something else?'

'I —' Su Xingchuan faltered. There wasn't anything else, really. He just didn't want to be alone tonight.

Then Li Xuan spoke first. He stopped and asked, 'Where's your boyfriend?'

Su Xingchuan blinked. It took him a second to register that Li Xuan meant Xie Liang.

So Li Xuan had gotten the wrong idea about the two of them.

Why would he get the wrong idea, though? Would someone who didn't care get the wrong idea?

Li Xuan had always been petty like this. The possessiveness ran deep — back then, if Su Xingchuan so much as lingered in conversation with a classmate, Li Xuan would sulk about it. And god, the jealousy. Normally he was almost mute, the kind of person who could go half a day without stringing a sentence together, but the moment he got jealous he'd turn into this passive-aggressive little echo, throwing Su Xingchuan's words back at him in that tone until Su Xingchuan didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Su Xingchuan remembered that tone perfectly.

Exactly like this. Playing it casual on the surface, fishing for something to say underneath.

'Boyfriend? Oh —' He played along, dragging out the syllable. 'He's still at work. Coming by tonight.'

Li Xuan turned and walked out.

Su Xingchuan called out twice. Li Xuan didn't come back.

His first instinct: pushed it too far. This one's going to be harder to coax back.

Then, half a second later: coax him back? He's an ex. He's probably with someone by now. What exactly do you think you're doing?

*

Spending the night alone in a hospital bed waiting for surgery wasn't a big deal — not for Su Xingchuan at twenty-seven.

He just missed Li Xuan a little.

His head was full of old images.

The moment his mind drifted to Li Xuan lying beneath him, willing and at his mercy, the stones reminded him exactly where he was — a sharp little throb, right on cue. Hospital bed. Not the place.

It hurt just thinking about it. Seriously?

Was this really punishment for seven years of disuse?

Li Xuan had said the surgery wouldn't affect anything, but Su Xingchuan felt a vague, irrational panic anyway. He lifted the blanket and took a long look, offering up a silent prayer: come on, buddy. Hold it together. Don't give out on me now. We survived seven years apart — what if, someday, things came back around? Don't you dare surrender right before the battle.

He carried that low-grade anxiety all the way to sleep and woke at eight the next morning to the voice of a nurse doing rounds.

He rubbed the corner of his eye and started to get up.

The nurse heard him stir and called through the curtain: 'Handsome, when you're up, go ahead and change into the hospital gown — no underwear.'

'Got it. Thanks for the overnight shift,' Su Xingchuan said.

'I'm almost off.' Her voice had the very specific joy of someone about to be free.

Su Xingchuan had barely finished changing when Xie Liang came hustling in.

'What time's the surgery? Am I late?'

'Ten-thirty.' Su Xingchuan did up the last button.

Xie Liang dropped into the chair. 'Perfect. I'm using'keeping you company for surgery' as my excuse to skip this month's all-hands.'

Su Xingchuan smiled.

Time moved fast. Around ten, another nurse came in to get him ready — ran through the no food, no water checklist, then walked him toward the operating room.

He spotted Li Xuan standing at distance.

Scrubs on, looking every bit the competent professional. He really grew up, Su Xingchuan thought.

On the operating table, the anesthesiologist and nurses clustered around him, but Su Xingchuan turned his head and looked only at Li Xuan.

Li Xuan felt the stare. He actually walked over.

Xiao Xuan, Su Xingchuan called him quietly, only in his head.

Back when they were together, Su Xingchuan used to joke that if Xiao Xuan was too scared to get up on an operating table, he'd volunteer to be his first patient.

Well. Here they were.

The anesthetic was kicking in — his lower half had gone completely numb, but his mind was still clear. He watched Li Xuan move to the side of the table while a nurse ran through the instrument checklist with him.

The nurse had no idea about their history. She patted Su Xingchuan's arm reassuringly: 'Just relax — Dr. Li's done seven or eight of these this month alone. It's a small procedure.'

'I'm not worried,' Su Xingchuan said. 'Even if he turns me into a cyborg, I won't complain.'

That was the exact line. The joke he'd made back then, word for word.

Li Xuan's lashes flickered. Something shifted in his expression. Su Xingchuan was just opening his mouth to follow up when the overhead surgical light blazed on — so bright it nearly blinded him.

Shit. This was actually happening.

He'd been so caught up in the moment he'd forgotten he was literally on an operating table.'Wait —'

Li Xuan shot him a cold look.

Su Xingchuan backpedaled fast: 'No, no — I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Dr. Li, come on, for the sake of how well I treated you back then — give it a hundred and ten percent, okay?'