Chapter 16

Since Li Xuan was a complete beginner — never touched a skateboard in his life — the upperclassman took charge of him personally, walking him through the basics from scratch. Li Xuan didn't glance at Su Xingchuan once.

Fine by me, Su Xingchuan thought. I'll do my own thing.

He set his board down on the ground. Out of the corner of his eye he caught the upperclassman steadying Li Xuan's arm, helping him figure out which foot to lead with. Li Xuan kept listing toward the guy like he had no bones, all his weight drifting sideways. The upperclassman said something and laughed. Li Xuan laughed too — a little shy, a little soft.

Su Xingchuan had actually been a little worried about Li Xuan. Social anxiety, he'd figured — room full of strangers, Li Xuan would probably be miserable.

Turned out Li Xuan was doing just fine.

Suddenly Su Xingchuan found skateboarding very boring.

He'd only joined the club because his roommate dragged him into it, and then the roommate stopped coming — so now Su Xingchuan was stuck showing up occasionally because he'd made a few friends here. Honestly, with his height, he was never really built for skateboarding anyway.

He was zoning out when one of his club friends wandered over and asked what he'd been up to lately — how come nobody'd seen him around?

Su Xingchuan laughed, a little hollow. 'Debate team's been keeping me busy.'

'It's getting colder every week,' his friend said. 'Give it another month and the roads'll be icing over. The club's thinking of heading out to Baijiang Park before it gets really bad — one last trip before New Year's. You in?'

Su Xingchuan wasn't taking in a word. His eyes were fixed on the steps ahead of him, but his attention kept pulling sideways, toward somewhere not far off.

He was listening to the sounds coming from nearby.

'Xingchuan. You in?'

'Huh?' Su Xingchuan caught up half a beat late. He shook his head. 'I'll skip it — I'm not that good.'

'What's with you? You're totally out of it.' His friend squinted at him.

Su Xingchuan flicked a glance at Li Xuan — Li Xuan was talking to a girl — then immediately looked back at his friend. 'I'm fine, what do you mean out of it, I'm just —'

He didn't finish. A girl's startled cry cut through the air nearby. Su Xingchuan turned toward the sound and saw Li Xuan on the ground.

The board had rolled halfway across the lot.

He was already running before he'd thought about it.

Li Xuan had both hands braced behind him, slumped on the ground, still dazed, lips drained of color.

'You okay?' Su Xingchuan asked. 'Anything hurt?'

Li Xuan dropped his eyes and said nothing.

Su Xingchuan checked his right hand, moving his wrist carefully. 'Did you twist this?'

Still nothing. Su Xingchuan's voice sharpened with urgency. 'Talk to me — your wrist, your ankle, your knee. What did you hurt?'

Li Xuan looked up at him.

Then looked back down and muttered, 'You're so mean.'

Su Xingchuan went blank. For once, he genuinely didn't know what to say.

He was mean? Was he supposed to be nice about this? This spoiled little prince had latched onto him out of nowhere, almost stolen his first kiss — and now Su was being blamed for using the wrong tone of voice? Un-believable.

'Did you land on anything?' Su Xingchuan asked, reining himself in.

Li Xuan said, aggrieved: 'My butt.'

'Can you stand up?'

Li Xuan barely had his hand out before Su Xingchuan read exactly where this was going. 'I'm not carrying you,' he said immediately. 'Get up yourself.'

Li Xuan snatched his hand back with a huff.

And there they stayed.

Su Xingchuan wouldn't carry him. So Li Xuan wouldn't get up.

The skate club trickled away one by one until the auditorium steps were nearly empty, and the whole area had gone quiet.

'What are you even doing here?' Su Xingchuan said.

Li Xuan, for once, was completely straightforward. 'Looking for you.'

Days of deliberate avoidance had worn them both down. Su Xingchuan dropped onto the step beside Li Xuan, let out a breath, and tried to be reasonable. 'Give it up, Li Xuan. I genuinely don't like guys. Keep this up and we won't even be able to stay friends.'

'I don't want to be your friend,' Li Xuan said, looking puzzled.

The corner of Su Xingchuan's mouth twitched.

It wasn't like Su Xingchuan had never been pursued before — but this was a new level of headache. Li Xuan didn't respond to soft and he didn't respond to hard. Go gentle and he'd climb right up the opening you gave him. Go hard and he'd turn pitiful and fish for sympathy.

Su Xingchuan genuinely had no idea how to handle him.

Impossible.

The evening breeze hit Li Xuan's face and he sneezed. He sniffled, then asked, a little mumbly, 'How come you don't have a girlfriend? Someone just told me there are a bunch of girls chasing you.'

Su Xingchuan gave him a sideways look, fished a tissue out of his pocket, and held it out. 'What's it to you?'

'It's everything to me.' Li Xuan glared at him.

'Funny,' Su Xingchuan said, glancing around with deliberate innocence. 'You fell down and that upperclassman didn't come running to help you?'

'What upperclassman?' Li Xuan tilted his head.

'The one in the white T-shirt just now. Physics major, third year, if I remember right.' Su Xingchuan said it casually, like he was just making conversation. 'Isn't that the type your crowd goes for?'

'I don't know. I don't have a crowd.'

He was obviously playing innocent, dragging his words out slow — and while Su Xingchuan wasn't looking, he lifted his bandaged hand and rested it on Su Xingchuan's leg, tapping his knee with it a couple of times, making his case. 'Forget about that upperclassman. He's not as good-looking as me. I'm a great option.'

Su Xingchuan almost laughed.

First at Li Xuan's logic. Then at himself.

He turned to look at him. 'What's so great about you? That you're twenty years old and still need someone to spoon-feed you?'

'I'll treat you so well. Anything you want, I'll get it for you. I like you.' Li Xuan said it with complete, earnest sincerity.

Those last few words landed somewhere in Su Xingchuan's chest like a small, unexpected blow.

For someone who'd spent the first twenty years of his life never once questioning whether he was straight, those words hit hard.

Su Xingchuan felt a flash of panic. He scrambled to his feet and rushed Li Xuan along: 'It's dark. Come on, get up.'

Li Xuan tilted his head back and held up both hands.

Su Xingchuan frowned. 'I'll pull you up, but you can't hug me. And you can't — can't kiss me either.'

Li Xuan nodded.

Su Xingchuan reached down with obvious reluctance, gripped Li Xuan's wrists, and hauled him to his feet. Li Xuan didn't try anything the way Su had half-expected him to. Both hands dropped to his sides, perfectly well-behaved.

Su Xingchuan bent to brush the dust off Li Xuan's pants.

Li Xuan stood there and let him, still as anything.

'Su Xingchuan. Do you hate me?'

Su Xingchuan didn't answer right away.

Li Xuan looked down. 'If you don't hate me that much — could you take me off your block list?'

Su Xingchuan's hands went still for a moment.

'I message you and you never reply. I don't like that. And I got you a gift.'

'Don't bother.'

'But I already bought it. It wasn't easy to get, either — it's a signed basketball from the NBA All-Star Game.'

'Really, don't.'

'You hate me.'

'Aren't you the one who hates me?'

Li Xuan blinked. 'You got my messages?'

Su Xingchuan: '…' Damn. That slipped out.

Li Xuan lit up. 'You didn't block me — you saw everything I sent you!'

'Yeah, I saw all of it,' Su Xingchuan said, patience wearing thin. 'I didn't write back, and you tracked me down anyway. Is that fun for you? Can't you tell I don't want to deal with you?'

Li Xuan jutted out his lower lip — partout, part something that looked a little too much like an invitation. Su Xingchuan looked away. 'I don't like guys,' he said, voice flat. 'Stop coming around.'

Li Xuan held his gaze. Su Xingchuan braced for hurt feelings — and then Li Xuan's mouth curved, and he smiled.

He had faint dimples when he smiled.

'As long as you didn't block me,' he said.

'…'

Su Xingchuan had a sudden realization: Li Xuan was the patron saint of selective hearing. He only processed whatever he felt like processing.

Su Xingchuan picked up Li Xuan's longboard and held it out to him.

Li Xuan hugged it to his chest. 'I'm heading back.'

He left at an easy stroll, practically bouncing up the steps, and left Su Xingchuan standing there with absolutely nothing to say.

That night, Su Xingchuan got a message from Li Xuan.

CatFace: [image]

CatFace: [This is Bobo. She's a chinchilla Persian. She's my profile pic. She's really cute and I wanted to share her with you.]

Li Xuan was in the photo too — sitting on a couch in a white sweater, the cat asleep in his lap, the whole thing unbearably cozy.

Su Xingchuan looked at him.

There was no getting around it. Li Xuan was really good-looking.

His features were delicate and fine, his skin pale and his eyes — they seemed to say something, clear and bright as glass beads filled with water.

Maomao-tou: [I'll only send you ten messages a day. I won't bother you. Just don't block me.]

Su Xingchuan thought about it and typed back [okay].

Maomao-tou: [Good night, moon.jpg]

He probably fell asleep happy.

Su Xingchuan didn't sleep well at all.

Ever since Li Xuan had planted that little kiss on his cheek, Su Xingchuan hadn't had a single decent night's sleep — just dreams, one after another. After a full week of that, he finally crashed.

He came down with a cold.

His temperature was running high too. Thirty-eight point eight.

On the way back from the campus clinic with his meds, he ran straight into Li Xuan coming out of the library. Li Xuan had his head down, scrolling his phone.

The next second, Su Xingchuan's phone buzzed.

Maomao-tou: [Done with class?]

Maomao-tou: [Going to the dining hall for lunch? Someone said the north canteen has mung bean soup today. I want some.]

Su Xingchuan let out a quiet scoff.

Is this really how someone pursues a person? Su Xingchuan had half-expected the last line to be: they have mung bean soup. Want some? I'll get it for you.

He watched Li Xuan walking toward him.

Backpack on, one step at a time, his hair catching the sun and going light, making his skin look even paler.

Maomao-tou: [Which dining hall are you going to?]

Maomao-tou: [Reply reply reply — you do this every time. You're wasting my daily limit. So annoying.]

Right, annoying again.

Nobody actually set a ten-message-a-day limit on him — that was his own rule. And now he was blaming Su Xingchuan for it.

Su Xingchuan: [Clingy AND moody.]

Maomao-tou: [I KNEW you were reading my messages!]

Su Xingchuan: [Someone like you could never be in a relationship. Who could put up with that?]

Maomao-tou: [You.]

Su Xingchuan: [Not me. I don't like you.]

Li Xuan stopped responding. Su Xingchuan's fingers hovered over the screen. A small twinge of regret. He hadn't needed to poke at him like that.

He'd said he didn't like him so many times. Li Xuan never seemed to hear it.

Su Xingchuan watched Li Xuan close the distance to less than five meters, still looking at his phone — probably reading Su Xingchuan's last message. The smile was gone. He looked miserable.

He hadn't noticed Su Xingchuan at all. He was about to walk right past him when Su Xingchuan reached out and caught his backpack strap. 'There's a pothole up ahead.'

Li Xuan went still for a second. Then a smile broke across his face.

He spun around and stepped up to Su Xingchuan, delighted. 'What are you doing here?'

'Just passing through.'

Li Xuan tilted his head, studying him. The bright amusement in his eyes shifted into something else. 'Are you okay? You look off.'

'Aren't you in med school? Can't you tell?'

Li Xuan pressed the back of his hand to Su Xingchuan's forehead. 'You're warm. Do you have a fever?'

Su Xingchuan stepped back, out of reach. His voice came out a little rough. 'Yeah. I'm heading to the campus clinic now.'

'I'll come with you.'

'Don't bother.'

'I'm coming with you.'

He followed Su Xingchuan to the campus clinic. The doctor prescribed a box of heat-clearing capsules, and Li Xuan snagged the box, studying the instructions with a furrowed brow, muttering under his breath.

'Figure anything out?' Su Xingchuan asked.

'Do you even know how to take medicine? Let me come to your dorm and look after you.'

Su Xingchuan gave a quiet laugh. 'I'm not like some people — scrape a knee and need someone to hand-feed them. I can manage a capsule on my own.'

Li Xuan was visibly unhappy.

He handed the box back.

Su Xingchuan sometimes thought Li Xuan was self-absorbed. Like right now — he'd half-expected some words of concern, maybe a question about what he felt like eating for lunch. But nothing.

Li Xuan just walked with his head down, glancing over at him every now and then. Su Xingchuan said, 'I'm going back to the dorm to lie down.'

Li Xuan opened his mouth. Closed it. Said nothing.

Back in his room, Su Xingchuan took the capsules, chased them down with half a cup of hot water, and went to bed.

He slept straight through to the afternoon.

He'd just gotten up to order delivery when his roommate said, 'Xingchuan, some girl sent food over for you. It's on the desk.'

'A girl?'

'Yeah, she had someone bring it by. Said you had a fever and you should eat plain congee.'

'When?'

'Just now.'

Su Xingchuan was out the door and down the stairs immediately.

He had a hunch — quiet and insistent, already half-formed.

And there he was — Li Xuan, exactly where Su Xingchuan figured he'd be.

Li Xuan hadn't left yet. He was standing there with his head down, typing something. Su Xingchuan didn't have his phone on him, so he had no idea what.

So he walked up quietly and leaned in to look over Li Xuan's shoulder.

Maomaotou: [I bought some plain congee.]

Deleted.

Maomaotou: [I went to like four different places before I found this — plain congee, and some sides, and steamed dumplings with veggie filling.]

Deleted.

Maomaotou: [Not sure if you'll like it]

Deleted.

Maomaotou: [According to Baidu: plain congee is highly nutritious and replenishes essential nutrients. Eating congee when you have a cold can stimulate appetite, restore hydration, and support recovery.]

He was just about to hit send when Su Xingchuan said in his ear, 'All that editing and this is what you landed on?'

Li Xuan startled so hard his whole body flinched, then slowly turned his head with a blank look on his face.

Su Xingchuan's eyes had that faint smile in them.'Maomaotou,' he said, 'have you considered looking up how to actually flirt with someone?'